You were right. It hurts to walk today.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
