Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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