I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
