Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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