I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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