Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
