Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
