I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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