I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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