Need sex. Gaining weight.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
