this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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