I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
