Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize