Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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