I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
