whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
