this beer tastes like vomit already
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it's great music for shaving your balls
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
