U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
