Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
