I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you traded sex for a burrito?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is wine microwaveable?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
