Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Holy shit dude........stairs
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