Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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