The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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