this beer tastes like vomit already
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
