weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
