so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
