i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
