i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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