Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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