You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
