what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
