Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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