Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
