I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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