I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish you could order shots online.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
this will be a night to untag.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
