My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
