We're like a lot better than the average bears
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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