He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
