final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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