It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
