Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
