One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
