There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
