dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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