She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
