Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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