it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
