Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
