Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
