Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
