3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
