Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We just shotgunned beers for America
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
