im drinking this country out of the recession.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
